Partnership
October 2006
We do not mean the legal variety of partnership, of course. We mean the relationship between two people who come together in business to accomplish something of vast importance. You'll easily find several people in close proximity - without regard to hierarchy – who are terrific candidates for you to practice these principles with! If you take this article to heart, it will most certainly help you achieve your goals with the people who are most critical to your success.
The LionHeart approach to business excellence is founded on the distinction between the internal voice of the self and the voice of inner wisdom as your operating model. The internal voice of the self focuses on what a person wants, needs, likes, doesn't like, is afraid of and worried about. It's simultaneously the voice of self doubt and self importance and it is very judgmental. You're familiar with this internal voice because it's talking to you all the time as you try to navigate through life in spite of it! The voice of inner wisdom is a different voice that is often drowned out by the voice of the self. It is the internal expression of your highest character values, your inspired creativity and love for people. It shows you the “high road” beyond your opinions and above the petty concerns of your self. You also know the voice of inner wisdom well, because it’s quietly visited you just before your most satisfying decisions, contributions and achievements. It’s when you say to your self, “Wow, where did that amazing idea come from?” or “I just know this is the right thing to do but I can’t explain why.”
Let’s use an example of two partners who are coming together at the beginning of a ten year business relationship. He says to himself, “She’s very talented and accomplished, and she knows everyone in town. I’m sure she’ll open doors to new clients and make my life easier.” And to her he says, “You are wonderful. You should come to work with me.” She says to herself, “He’s doing what I want to do. If I work with him I’ll get what I need to overcome my fears of this new career.” And to him she says, “Okay.”
Anyone hear any inner wisdom yet? Nope, just a couple of good people trying to get along in the world at the level of the self!
As the years go by these two people progress with their partnership to a condition of “it’s working well enough but I wish he/she was different.” He says to himself, “She needs to step up and do her part more.” To her he says, “You’re great, come on let me show you how we can do this together.” To herself she says, “He needs to learn how to collaborate and make some space for me. Since he doesn’t, there must be something wrong with me.” To him she says, “You’re doing fine, and I need to learn more. But if you could be open to a different approach I do have some ideas to make our offer better.” Unfortunately, for a long time he wasn’t able to hear her emerging voice of wisdom…because they hadn’t really become partners yet. They weren’t honest (enough) and didn’t know that partners always show one another what their next leadership lesson is.
Often it takes conflict to learn this lesson in partnership. “You need to back off and stop pushing me to step up!” she said to him. “All I’m asking you to do is be yourself and do it your way”, he said to her. Again, the two good people were doing their best to get along in the world at the level of the self. But after enough of these painful experiences of rubbing up against one another, they decided to seek another way: the way of inner wisdom. They learned the practice of remembrance and invested themselves deeply in finding the wisdom beneath their opinions and frustrations with one another. He said to her, “I see how much I operate as if my way is the only way, and I also see you have incredible talents that are mostly blind-spots for me. I want you to teach me what you know that I don’t know.” She said to him, “Our problems aren’t your fault. This is just the way you’re built. There’s nothing wrong with you or me. I’m learning to accept my own unique gifts and it’s not so easy. Thanks for being so patient with me. You are a good match for me because you force me to find my confidence even though it’s not always pretty.” This is inner wisdom speaking: two people with courage and compassion doing much more than getting along in the world. They were learning the art of partnership – accepting one another’s strengths and weaknesses without judgment, while developing a commitment to helping each other fill in their blind spots.
Several years went by while these partners’ contribution to the world expanded over and over again. It was not only easy working together, it was joyful. And then one day they had lunch on a sunny day in downtown Portland. She said to him, “I have an offer from a client to work in a job I’ve dreamed of all my life. It allows me to use all of who I am like nothing else ever did: my leadership, my architectural design skills and my love for sustainability. Every day I’m scared to death and every day I’m more alive than ever before.” He smiled with just a moment of awkwardness and said to her, “Have you already made your decision?” “No”, she said, “I can’t do that until I talk to you.” After a few more questions he said, “It sounds like you have to go for it. Have you asked your heart about this decision?” “Yes”, she said. “It’s been a yes every time I ask. And I think it started two years ago when you helped me write the proposal for this client – it came straight from my heart.” He smiled again and said, “If you need my blessing you have it. I just want you to be happy.”
True partnership occurs when we become bigger than the voice of the self. It is rare but very, very satisfying. And if you haven’t guessed yet, we are indeed talking about two of the protagonists at LionHeart: Paul Werder and Patsy Feeman. Patsy will be leaving LionHeart to work for The Portland Family of Funds and we are celebrating her success with no regrets, a few tears, but no good-bye. True partnership transcends the structures that are made by selves trying to get along in the world - because no matter how intelligent the self is, the heart knows even more.
If you are so inclined to send Patsy a note of congratulations, you can trust us to forward her mail! And if you want to explore how you can develop a more productive and meaningful experience of partnership with someone you work with, let us save you a few years. Please contact us at 503-632-8572.