Anger - Are You Aware of the Opportunity?
July 2008
If you are not angry some of the time you are either not paying attention, in denial, or one of the five completely enlightened people on the planet (and we are not among the other four!). Anger has many faces: frustration, impatience, judgment, rudeness, disgust, envy, and arrogance are just a few. These are ugly qualities that we are not supposed to have as trained professionals, so we often go into denial, "I'm not really angry, just frustrated," or become oblivious to our own role, "Yeah, I chewed him out, but I wouldn't have to do that if he'd just do what he's supposed to do." And as ugly as these moments are on our faces, they look even worse in our hearts. Over time, unexpressed and unresolved anger leads to illness and disease.
There are two common kinds of anger: first, the world isn't the way you want it to be, and second, there's a real injustice being perpetrated on innocent people. The medicine is the same for both types of anger and that is fortunate because we often confuse one for the other. In both cases anger highlights where we believe something is wrong. We are mostly unaware, however, that it is often our view of what's happening that is inaccurate and causing our anger - and not what is actually happening.
The world does not conform to our preferences and plans as often as we'd like. We look at these moments of life with impatience or frustration and react from a place inside that is unhappy with life as it is. This dynamic has two unconstructive consequences. When we react to a situation with anger we only get back more of what we don't want from the others involved - defensiveness, avoidance, bitterness, etc. In other words, the anger escalates into a hot or cold war and we are adding fuel to the fire.
The second unfortunate consequence is that we are missing the learning opportunity. Each moment that angers us is a moment we are unprepared for. We are unaware of what is being asked of us and we are not tuned in to our hearts' treasure chest of virtuous character traits. The strongest person is not the one who can lift the heaviest weight, run the fastest mile, or score the most touchdowns. The strongest person is the one who can bring forth the appropriate positive quality, as opposed to react with anger, when the world offers us an upsetting moment. Each angry moment provides the opportunity to develop our character.
It may be patience, or compassion, or polite assertiveness, but it is a character trait that our hearts automatically express when we are consciously aligned with our highest intention: to bring leadership excellence to every situation. This intention ensures we use our upsetting moments to discover and take action from our hearts' innate goodness. We teach instead of criticize, or acknowledge our own part in what's happening instead of blame others. In doing so, we progress on our spiritual journey through the world of work, as opposed to merely achieve success in the material world. And in case you are curious, advancing your spiritual journey is good for business because you are consistently putting your best face forward.
We said the medicine is the same for both types of anger. Sometimes injustice is occurring where people are intentionally hurting other people, knowingly winning at the expense of others, or doing damage to the environment for profit. If you allow your heart to turn defiant, grow bitter with judgment, or act out in retaliation, you are disempowering yourself and adding to the escalation. However, you can turn your angry energy into constructive action if you reflect on what is being asked of you. Instead of howling at the moon with a burst of ineffectiveness or letting your blood boil quietly, you can ask your heart, "Now what?" If you reflect on the events of our world and look seriously at your own role in bringing forth positive change, you will find that this is a very deep question. Given your talents, your experience, your expertise, your role of authority, and your resources, the question is "What is being asked of me in this time of injustice and suffering - in short, now what?"
The opportunity is to transform your anger initially into your personal spiritual journey so you can strengthen your leadership heart, and ultimately so you can become a force for positive change. And in the process you will feel better on the inside and have a much more appealing presence on the outside. So go ahead, be angry - but just long enough to discover that what's wrong "out there" is not the issue. The issue is what you think the anger means to you and whether or not you can turn your angry reaction into excellent action! And given the numerous opportunities you have as a leader, this is important work. You might consider it a matter of life and death.
If you know someone who would appreciate these ideas, please forward this newsletter to them. It could make more of a difference than you can imagine.