Embrace Your Fear as Fuel for Success
May 2006
Have you ever gotten nervous when you weren't supposed to? Was it a knot in your stomach, sweaty palms, tight throat or inability to speak with your usual presence? It happened to me last month at the worst possible moment.
The stakes were high: a key client had assembled over 20 nationally recognized experts in their field at a beautiful mountain resort to provide feedback on their 5 year strategic plan. Everything about the set up communicated, "This is a big deal." My role was simple – facilitate the meeting and ensure each of the presenters successfully navigated through the challenging questions and comments.
Just as I was introducing my "Meeting Excellence Reminders" (aka ground rules) to the group I tightened up and lost my presence. It's impossible for me to fake a sense of calm when I'm not centered so I quickly said, "You may have noticed I just got nervous, so if I say it out loud it goes away." And it did because telling the truth about my experience is the only way I've ever been able to get through those moments.
The meeting went on fine so no big deal, right? On the outside that was correct, but the inner turmoil those twenty seconds provoked was not insignificant!! In the right circumstances, with high stakes, it doesn't take much to reactivate those nasty internal voices that started back in high school, "You're not good enough…you don't fit in here… you'll never outgrow your anxiety…and so on." So for the next 8 hours in my spare moments when I wasn't facilitating the meeting I worked those tried and true LionHeart principles for all they were worth, and in the toughest of times I am so grateful to have them as my internal self coaching practice. The bottom line: my heart told me to keep offering up everything I had because if you strike out in the first inning it doesn't mean you can't come through in the ninth. Ironically, two key members of my client organization later told me they hadn't noticed anything, and would not have known I was nervous if I hadn't said so. The "strike out" was highly my own.
As I worked through my internal turmoil I was left with the question, "Why here, why now, why with this group? I hadn't had a visit from this bogey man in years." My initial thought centered on my notion that clearing away those nasty voices is my lifelong spiritual journey, and at this point I need the stakes to be pretty high to have the next level of trust come in to clear away those fears. I think that is correct, but the next day I was surprised to discover a more mystical answer to my question.
One of the presenters, who we'll call Mac, was presenting an initiative that has more potential for changing the world than anything I'd encountered in 23 years of consulting. As he began, he was obviously nervous and said so. However, his journey is younger than mine so he wasn't able to navigate it so well on his own. He later told me he was "30 seconds from disaster." As I sensed his struggle I moved into position to catch his eye, and he began speaking only to me as he continued through his slides. With our eyes locked and our hearts connected, I went into my practice of remembrance and silently sent him the courage he needed to keep going. With smiles on both of our faces we stayed in this connection for a good ten minutes as two brothers on a learning curve that was imperceptible to most of the people in the room. They were focused on his content.
It was a magical moment that could not have been better orchestrated for me or Mac, even though our egos would never have voluntarily signed up for our individual "leadership training" in front of this powerful group of critical thinkers. In the end Mac was recognized for his presentation and the group really got the enormity of the initiative he was championing. I left the session with no doubt Mac has what it takes to be successful – a heart that is open to his own journey of leadership discovery – taking step after step into his fear and trusting that somehow he'll find what he needs at the right moment when he needs it. How do I know this? From my own experience to be sure, but more importantly, from the embrace we shared when the session was over. He walked out of that experience as high as a kite with enthusiasm, energy and gratitude. It's a universal law as definitive as gravity: when you suppress your unwanted emotions like fear, anger or sadness, you are simultaneously robbing yourself from their "opposites" – courage, love and joy. And when you're willing to embrace it all, you are truly given everything. As for the question that tormented me the most during that first day, "Will I ever outgrow this problem I have with anxiety?" I hope not, because that would mean I'm no longer stretching myself in a game that matters. And as another member of Mac's team says, "If it doesn't kill you, it always makes you stronger!"
Are you interested in learning how to coach yourself through your moments of "not this, not now!?!?" If so, please contact our office at 503-632-8572. Your success has no limitation other than what you are unwilling to face and walk through.