Distinguishing Coaching From Advice & Criticism
July 2005
Calling It Coaching Doesn't Make It So
"There's only one double garage door in this building and you don't know where it is!!!" This "coaching statement" was overheard between a manager and employee in an environment that prides itself on customer service excellence. The tone said it all: criticism. Notice we didn't call it constructive criticism, because there is no such thing. Criticism belittles, and lets people know they're wrong or deficient. If you're looking for extraordinary customer service, do you think barking at employees will encourage it? Criticism is not the way to excellence in any arena.
Now that business coaching has become a commodity over the past 20 years, it's important that we all know the distinctions that are important in a coaching conversation - because if you are doing something else and calling it coaching, you'll give a good thing a bad name. Even worse, you'll lose the immense power of developing a corporate culture based on empowerment, learning and genuine collaboration.
If you listen to half of what someone was about to say, and blurt out what you want them to do - and it makes sense from your perspective - is that coaching? Just ask Ann Landers - she calls it advice: tell me a paragraph or two about your problem and I'll tell you how to run your life. The next time you're on the receiving end of someone's unsolicited advice, notice how fast you want to run in the other direction. But when someone asks you to show them how to do something, and you have real expertise and wisdom in this area, that's valuable. We call it mentoring: the ability to transfer skills to someone who wants to improve performance. This is ideally a part of every supervisory relationship, which unlike a coaching relationship, is non-negotiable: the boss is always responsible for clarifying expectations, providing instructions and evaluating performance. Not every supervisor is prepared to be a mentor, let alone a coach. But if you add mentoring and coaching to a supervisory relationship, your results improve dramatically. So what is coaching?
Coaching is a voluntary relationship among two people who intend to honestly and non-judgmentally discuss whatever is relevant to improve performance. Coaching discussions revolve around more than skill improvement. A good coach will inquire into personal motivation and how well one's role fits their larger purpose. Additionally, the coach supports constructive interactions within the team structure, as well as guides the person to impact organizational dynamics that are inhibiting performance. Mentoring is a "telling and showing" exercise; coaching is an "asking and listening" exercise that guides people to be successful in all aspects of their work. The right question can be enough to save over $200,000: "Do you think your company will sit on this opportunity if you don't find the courage to take it on, or will they find someone else who will?" This example was months in the waiting stages and took 2 -1/2 years to implement, but the right question in the "moment of truth" changed the course of a company and at least one manager's career.
But there's more - much more!
Can you remember the last time you "overcame" a challenge and became a new person who could literally see reality through new eyes? Your heart felt lighter and your head was clearer. You were inspired from the inside out, and the "circumstances that formerly stopped you" were just dust in the rear view mirror of your newfound momentum. We call this experience transformational coaching, because it literally clears away the historical baggage and personality debris that kept you stuck: endlessly repeating ineffective patterns of behavior inside your own painful "reality". This type of coaching encourages you to dig deep within yourself, and discover the untapped power in your heart that you had forgotten was there. Many people go decades between these enlightening moments because they're caught on a treadmill, or numb to a world that over-hypes the word "breakthrough" for everything from toothpaste to car performance. This is the inner journey of real leadership and it is available on a regular basis when you are willing to embrace your challenges with an open heart and unflinching courage. If you are truly committed to business excellence as a foundation for your success, how will you ever get there with anything less? Moving your organization from - avoiding issues - to - coaching - to - transformation - is the best investment you can make. Please contact our office at 503-632-8572 for a free introductory session!